Case 7 - Comic Relief

Putting the relief in Comic Relief

Problem - Comic Relief, as a fundraiser, is phenomenally successful. It continues to raise record sums for charitable causes both at home and further afield year-on-year. All very good, all very noble. Well done Comic Relief fundraisers, well done Great British Public. The problem Comic Relief has is that Comic Relief, the TV show, is utter toss. What can be done about this?

Solution - There's two ways of dealing with this. Improve output or make it worse, much worse.

1: Improve.

Comic Relief is like Mecca to awful TV presenters and comedians, giving them a vehicle to step back in front of the cameras in spite of zero public demand and/or discernible talent. There is no excuse for Davina McCall and her stupid face. And yet she'll probably be wheeled out alongside James Bloody Corden to entertain the masses in between celeb-fronted heartstring-pullers from some African nightmare. The horror... the horror... of having to watch McCall and Corden. Incidentally, is there a job James Corden has turned down? Ever?

The list of washed-up or bland hosts is as long as your arm. What happened Comic Relief? You used to be edgy. Now you're just annoying. Get Frankie Boyle to spice things up. Or put Russell Brand in a room with Andrew Sachs' granddaughter and see what happens. In short, give the public an excuse to watch Comic Relief. Not a reason to want to put their boot through their television screen.

2: Take the sh*tathon to another level.

The alternative is to make watching Comic Relief compulsory for all, with something like a £10 minimum donation opt-out. The system would work like this: Comic Relief gets Claudia Winkleman, Davina, Corden, Lenny F*cking How Am I Sill on TV Henry et al to present their usual 'sketches' until the viewing public cannot take any more. Force them to hand over £10 for a special code so they can turn their TVs off. We can work out a system of how this might work, but you get the idea. Comic Relief can scrap the trips to Africa, too. They'll raise much more by showing close ups of Davina Foghorn for a full, uninterrupted hour. Or more if the public refuse to comply. This option will definitely raise record sums. But it may quickly become added to the vast array of banned methods of warfare and torture listed in the Geneva Convention. So act now to generate the most income.


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