Case 18 - The Budget

We like the Briefcase

Problem - It's Budget Day and George Osborne has some bad news for a change. His main problems are that the economy's buggered, there's less growth in the country than on a pre-pubescent boy's top lip, and, worst of all, there's no sign of anything positive on the horizon either. Georgey-boy can't get away with the 'we inherited this mess from Labour' line any more and has made too many promises (most of them broken or not achieved) to make any more. The sharks are circling. This Budget has to be different. It has to have impact, leave the public feeling warm and fuzzy and take the heat of Osborne.

Solution - Introduce the element of chance.

What we recommend is keeping the Briefcase. Everyone likes the briefcase. The briefcase stays. What's more, we have 19 identical briefcases made up. The public loves the red, worn briefcase so let's give them 20 of them.

Next, we have George and his Tory thinkers and planners devise 20 separate Budgets, all slightly different from the last. One raises tax by 0.5%, keeps a lid on inflation and introduces a stealth tax on Mick Hucknall while the next could slash the price of petrol by 50p and get rid of Liverpool. We put each of the 20 Budgets in one of the 20 briefcases. At random.

Then the genius part. We get Glenn MillerBand to play a Budget Deal or no Deal. He has to pick the Budget. One by one he chooses a briefcase and it gets opened to reveal the Budget inside. These Budgets are split into Red (Budgets favoured by Labour) and Blue (Budgets favoured by the Tories). This is all televised live. Osborne can be Noel Edmonds, torturing MillerBand for every Red Budget he chooses, which obviously then gets dismissed.

The beauty of this system is that if it all goes wrong a year down the line, based on the final Briefcase and Budget left, then it's all Steve MillerBand's fault. After all, he chose the bloody Briefcase/Budget. And Osborne comes out of this very nicely indeed. He's entertained the public and taken Noel Edmonds off our TV screens. Win win win!

Budget Deal or no Deal - There's no Banker. Forget about the Banker. 

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