Case 22 - Female authors

"Spank me", says 50 Shades author E.L James. Nah, you're alright, love.

Problem - There is no problem. Instead, there is a massive opportunity. Female authors are currently enjoying somewhat of a Golden Period (That sounds wrong - Ed), enjoying huge success across the globe. J.K Rowling got the ball rolling with Harry Potter, then Stephenie Meyer made a fortune out of ruining vampires and then E.L James got in on the action with her bondage book 50 Shades of Grey. Well done ladies! In my eyes you're the best things to happen to rubbish-yet-popular women's literature since Sue Townsend started writing about Adrian Mole. You've all got more money than you can ever spend. So what now?

Solution - Use your story-telling powers for good. Or for more money.

These immensely powerful authors could play a major part in shaping the world we live in. Imagine if they sold the rights of their next protagonist to the highest bidder? The Tories could guarantee the next election if they bought up Meyer, Rowling and James.

Meet Georgey Osborne, the next Boy Wizard, who must fight off evil, embark on a number of adventures AND fix the economy at the same time. Plus romance. Swoon!

Or meet BoJo, a sex-mad millionaire who meets Nastajia, a young girl who wants crocodile clips placed on her nipples and beaten with a rubber hose. The two have intercourse. Swoon!

Or meet David Cameron. He's an old vampire who falls in love with a teenage girl. (Wait, this can't be right - Ed) The two stare at each other a lot. Swoon!

The beauty is that the Bad Guys in these Epic Adventures could be made into Labour's cronies. Or vice versa if Labour comes out as the highest bidders.

You get the point. Think of how many copies of there books would be sold. Think of the subsequent movies. Think of the merchandise! Indoctrination of a generation through weak yet hugely popular prose.

And it doesn't have to be politicians who harness the power of the world's top three female authors. Mick Hucknall could use them to change attitudes towards gingers and/or middle of the road pop stars. James Corden could use them to make sure he's on TV even more, if that's humanly possible (See James Corden entry - Ed).

The possibilities are endless.