Case 20 - Corrie

Sex Bomb: Look out ladies, this man's got a bus pass.

Problem - Coronation Street has got wind that soap rivals EastEnders has sought the advice of some PR genius and is seriously upping their game (see out EastEnders entry for more - Ed) so the Northern ITV show needs to respond. And fast. It has to be something big, something that will make for compulsive viewing. But what?

Solution - Bill Roache Truman Show.

For those blissfully unaware of Corrie and its cast (I think be could be best friends, you've made a great life choice right there) let me tell you a little bit about actor Bill Roache.

1 - Bill, who played Ken Barlow on the show, claims to have bedded more than 1,000 women - a feat that earned him the name Cock Roache - and dabbled with drugs. He made this omission, filed under Too Much Information, at the tender age of 79. Keep it to yourself, Billy Boy.

2 - Lothario Bill recently said victims of sexual abuse bring it on themselves and that they are paying for their behaviour in previous lives. He also defended paedophiles.

The guy is clearly a nutjob. Russell Brand, Roache is your Ghost of Christmas Future!

Anyway, Corrie can use this to its advantage. Our advice is to put Bill back into the soap without telling him. Truman Show style. Just push him into the Rovers, get him a pint and let the rest happen organically. All the other actors can carry on as they are but will have to ad lib if Roachey gets involved.

The result? Compulsive viewing. Will Bill Roache try his luck with one of the barmaids after one too many pints of bitter? Of course he will. This man's sexual appetite is insatiable! Will Bill come out with any many pearls of wisdom?! Perhaps he'll go in for a bit of Holocaust denial? Sounds like something Roache would come out with. The beauty of the Bill Roache Truman Show Corrie approach is that you never know what he's going to try to penetrate next - a woman or his ever-diminishing reputation.